The Fasting and the Furious is the fifth episode of the fifth season and the 92nd overall.
On the Upper East Side, it's not what you say that determines who you are. It's what you do. Whether you're making a big announcement or trying to close a deal. Or, firing the first shot.
Serena must choose between her job and her relationship with Dan. Diana makes Nate help her after a surprise delay to The Spectator website launch. Meanwhile, the Waldorf's host a Yom Kippur dinner full of drama.
The episode begins with Blair and Louis preparing to tell their parents about Blair's pregnancy. Serena receives a phone call from Jane, asking her if she secure the movie rights to Dan's book yet. When she says no, Jane reminds her that this is her chance to make up for blowing the last deal. Sophie and Beatrice arrive at the Waldorf penthouse for Blair and Louis' big announcement. The couple come downstairs and announce the news. Everyone is surprised and happy except for Eleanor, who is hesitant with the news. Blair thanks Beatrice for keeping her secret. Serena prepares to leave for work, but Blair invites her to stay and celebrate. Annoyed, Serena says she'll celebrate with her later and leaves.
At the VDW's, Ivy tells Lily she's excited for her first day of work. Dan calls Rufus, and he ignores the call, as he's still mad at him. Lily encourages him to talk to Dan but Rufus still refuses. Meanwhile, Chuck and Nate run into Dan at the park. Nate blows Dan off, still angry at being made a half a person in Inside. Dan gives Chuck a present for Monkey, and admits he's not sure what to do now that no one is talking to him. Chuck encourages him to just wait it out, and Serena contacts Dan at that moment to meet. He leaves the park and Chuck then meets a psychologist, Eliza Barnes. He asks for her card and introduces himself. At The Spectator, Diana is ready to launch the site. Right before she can, a Gossip Girl blast arrives accusing the paper of stealing phones for information. Nate tells Diana to delay the site because otherwise, everyone will know GG was talking about them. Diana ultimately decides to delay the launch for the moment. At the Waldorf's, Blair shares the plans she and Louis made to make sure the pregnancy doesn't interfere with their plans. An upset Beatrice shares concerns with Sophie about Blair not respecting the Monaco traditions.
At their meeting, Serena apologizes for overreacting about her portrayal in the book. She asks how things are going, and Dan unhappily shares his loneliness. She mentions the movie rights and tells Dan to consider giving the rights to Jane, and he agrees. He leaves to attend an interview with New York 1, and tells his agent, Alessandra, that he wants to give the rights to Serena and Jane. She tells him that's not a good idea, as she has more prestigious directors also interested. At the same time, Serena calls Jane and says they should have Dan's movie rights by the end of the day. Back at The Spectator, Diana accuses Ivy of the leak to Gossip Girl. She threatens to reveal her scheme unless she can bring her an even bigger piece of gossip. After hearing about the Waldorf's Yom Kippur, she asks Nate to secure her an invitation. At the New York 1 set, Dan is getting ready for his interview. Alessandra tells him to mention Harvey Weinstein's interest to get the Hollywood attention he needs. Dan replies that he feels like he needs to tell Serena ahead of time, but she encourages him not to, as she knows how the business works and will understand. At the Waldorf penthouse, Blair, Eleanor, Cyrus, Louis, Sophie, and Beatrice sit down to discuss details of the baby's upbringing. Blair shares that she plans to have the baby at Lenox Hill and have them attend school at Constance/St. Jude's. Sophie responds by saying she must give birth at Princess Grace Hospital in Monaco and have the child attend boarding school in Switzerland, as all Grimaldi children do. Overwhelmed, Blair leaves the room. Beatrice tells Sophie to note how Blair reacts when she doesn't get her way. Meanwhile, Chuck meets Dr. Barnes at her office. She agrees to make time to let him talk, and he tries to flirt with her under the guise of a therapy session. She asks him to leave, as she has Yom Kippur services to attend. Ivy returns home to the VDW's, and Lily tells her she's worried about Rufus and Dan's relationship. Ivy asks if she has any gossip, and she has none. Lily goes to put away jewelry in the safe, and Ivy spots the files Bart made on Lily, Serena, and Eric. She asks what they are, and Lily explains. At Jane's office, Serena sees Dan's interview about the movie rights and he says they haven't made a decision on the movie rights. Blair arrives and asks to talk to Serena. Mad that she told Jane they had the rights and Dan is now acting like they don't, Serena tells Blair she can't talk and tells her to leave. She does, and calls Louis and says since everyone else is moving on with their lives, she's ready to move to Monaco and live like a Grimaldi.
At The Spectator office, Chuck goes to see Nate to ask how to seduce Dr. Barnes. Nate asks for Chuck's help in finding the courage to cross a line to succeed. Nate advises Chuck to pretend to be interested in Dr. Barnes' interests and Chuck advises Nate to tag along with Charlie to cross the line. Each happy with getting help, Chuck leaves. At the Waldorf's, Blair asks Louis if he told his mother about her decision. He says no, as he thinks they need to talk about things before they made any decisions. However, Sophie and Beatrice walk in on their conversation and Blair tells them her decision anyway. Delighted, Sophie hugs them both. At the VDW's, Rufus and Lily can't decide what to do for dinner. Ivy encourages them to go to the Waldorf's dinner, and they decide to go. She also receives a text from Nate, to which she tells him to come over. Back at the Waldorf's, Beatrice meets Diana. She also reveals to Eleanor that Blair is planning to move to Monaco. However, Eleanor is unfazed as she says it's not like Blair is signing a legally binding contract. Meanwhile, Jane informs Serena that Harvey and Dan are finalizing a deal and they're going to lose the rights. She accuses Serena of being just like she's portrayed in the book. Outside, Alessandra tells Dan that Harvey already has plenty of ideas and wants to fast track the movie to be released next year. However, she gets a phone call from Harvey's office, informing her he's cancelling due to Dan already giving the rights to Jane. Back at the Waldorf's, Beatrice reveals to Beatrice that she hoped when Louis married Blair, he would permanently be out of the picture. Diana offers to help Beatrice get what she wants, so long as she gives her the inside story about the royal feud. Beatrice agrees.
At the dinner, Eleanor walks in on Cyrus, Blair, and Louis going over a contract Sophie drew up about the upbringing of the baby. Blair isn't concerned until Cyrus begins to read over some of the more outrageous terms, such as not being able to go to New York for more than 48 hours at a time and if she does, she'll lose custody of her child. Meanwhile at the VDW's, Ivy is trying to break into Lily's safe. She's unable to, until Nate gets the code from Chuck and they get in and retrieve the files. Dan goes to see Serena at Jane's office, and Jane excitedly introduces herself to him. He angrily asks her why she had Serena leak that they had the rights. Confused, Jane says she instructed Serena to do no such thing, as false leaks are for amateurs. Serena arrives and admits that sabotaging Dan's deal was her own idea. Back at the Waldorf's, Louis tells Beatrice about the contract. He then confronts Sophie about it, and she defends herself, saying it's a simple custody agreement. Louis tells her she has no right to take their child away if she doesn't like Blair's actions. Sophie becomes confused, saying she put no such clause into the agreement. She then realizes Beatrice had the clause put in behind her back. She admits to doing it, saying it's because Blair has no respect for the monarchy or their traditions. Blair tells Sophie to remove the clause, but Sophie, seeing a point to Beatrice's concerns, decides it should stay. She explains to the couple that if they don't sign the contract, she will not acknowledge Louis or their child as her heir. Louis replies that she doesn't have that right anymore, as it's the child's right to acknowledge her.
Later, Louis tells Sophie he wants her to not make the mistake. She replies that he's mistaken, and he shouldn't abandon his family for Blair. Louis says he trusts Blair, but Sophie says that she hopes that that is true and she leaves, but not before she tells Beatrice she will no longer be overlooked. Before they leave, Beatrice and Diana smile at each other, as their plan worked. At the VDW's, Nate realizes he made a moral mistake crossing the line and tells Ivy they need to put the files back. She tells him that unless he is willing to bend the rules, he'll never get anywhere. He asks her why she's acting like she doesn't even know her family, and she tells him she's going to put the files back. Outside the church, Chuck meets up with Dr. Barnes. She gives him her professional opinion on his actions, telling him that he acts out like a child because he never had a childhood and has a long way to go before he can live a happy and normal life. She wishes him all the best and walks away. Back at Jane's, Serena thanks Dan for waiting for her. He tells her he's mad because now no one wants the book, thanks to her. But he explains that the girl in the book has parts of Serena but it isn't speaking to some deeper truth about her. Sadly, Serena tells Dan that she always thought he was the love of her life and she always thought she was his too. At Diana's, The Spectator website launches. Nate tells Ivy that Diana found something on her own and he's glad they didn't have to cross lines to succeed. Diana then tells Charlie to come back to her office later. Back at the Waldorf's, Eleanor admits to Blair that she gave Beatrice the idea to have a contract. She emotionally tells Blair she will make an amazing mother, and gives her advice on raising children. Rufus and Lily overhear, and he decides to call Dan back. Serena arrives home and asks Blair if they can talk. Upstairs, she apologizes for earlier and says she was jealous because Blair is the star of Dan's book. Blair accepts her apology and reminds her that the book is pure fiction. In Diana's office, she returns the files to Ivy, revealing she took them anyway. She tells her that she found nothing interesting in them, and tells her to return them before anyone noticed them missing. When Ivy walks away, Diana removes something from Bart's file and then returns the file to her. Later, Serena receives a call from Dan. They talk, and he tells her he's giving her the book rights because she inspired the book in the first place. Rufus calls, interrupting their conversation, and they agree to talk later. Meanwhile, Chuck leaves a message for Dr. Barnes saying she was right, that he does need help, and he's ready to get it. She gets to the phone too late, after he's already hung up. Diana takes the thing she removed from Bart's file, a photo of a girl that resembles her, and burns it in her office. Blair apologizes for making Louis choose between her and his mother. He replies that she is his only family now, and when Blair goes to take a bath, it's revealed that he found her DNA test results. He calls Dr. Barnes, and says he has a problem he needs to discuss with her.
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Kaylee DeFer as Ivy Dickens/Charlie Rhodes
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
- Margaret Colin as Eleanor Waldorf
- Wallace Shawn as Cyrus Rose
- Hugo Becker as Louis Grimaldi
- Roxane Mesquida as Beatrice Grimaldi
- Joanne Whalley as Sophie Grimaldi
- Marina Squerciati as Alessandra Steele
- K.K. Moggie as Dr. Eliza Barnes
- Michael Michele as Jane
- Another One Down by Asher Roth
- Bumper by The Cults
- Trials of the Past by SBTRKT
- Nothin' Gonna Be Undone by Rainbow Arabia
Nate (to Dan): Only a whole person could answer that question, now couldn't they?
Chuck: I recently emerged from a period of prolonged numbness and starting to feel again, both physically and emotionally, has made me realize I need to try new things, to prevent a relapse.
Eliza Barnes: New things? Give me an example.
Chuck: I've had sex on almost every conceivable surface but never a therapist's couch.. so there is that.
Blair: I have an idea for you. Quit! Your boss is a bitch, let's go get lunch.
Serena: My job is important to me, B. You have six months to deal with your problem, I have six minutes to deal with mine. Goodbye!
Chuck: If only you could be me for a day and I could be you, we could both get what we want. But since we're not in a Jason Bateman movie, we have to think of another plan.
Jane (to Serena): Maybe your good friend F. Scott Fitzjackass had you nailed in the book. If something doesn't fall right into your lap, Serena, you don't have a clue how to work for it.
Louis (to Sophie): You don't have that right anymore. As a future reigning prince, it is up to my child to acknowledge you.
Eliza Barnes (to Chuck): You never had a childhood and so you behave like a child in the worst ways. You pay for intimacy so you're always in control and no one can get close to you. Your superficial connections and lack of authentic emotion leave you isolated and alone. Not just tonight, always. I wish you all the best, but you're going to need more than that to live a happy and normal life.
Serena (to Dan): Because I know this may sound crazy or selfish or like I'm living in the past or something. But you were the love of my life, Dan. And I don't know.. I guess I just always thought I was yours too.
Chuck (on Dr. Barnes' answering machine): Everything you said to me was true. I don't need another notch on my belt. I need help. I knew it last week, hell, I knew it last year. I know it now. I'm ready to be serious, if you'll have me.
- The episode title is based off the movie The Fast and the Furious.