The Big Sleep No More is the 7th episode of the fifth season and 94th overall.
Good morning, Upper East Siders. Or is it? We heard a certain future royal has had more than one rude awakening this week.
A performance of Sleep No More holds romantic twists for Nate, Serena, Charlie, Blair, and Chuck. Meanwhile, Diana decides to prove she's still on top by playing a power game.
The episode begins with Blair and Chuck in black and white alone in a room. Blair is on a ledge, and Chuck offers to help her get down and she asks how she can be sure she can trust him. He says she can, and she takes his hand, only to fall. She wakes up with a start to realizes it was all a dream. Dorota comes in and notices Blair had yet another dream about Chuck. She complains that Chuck's fake apology is damaging her psyche and as her wedding comes closer, he's trying to get her to change her mind. However, she says she won't let Chuck get to her while Louis is gone as she has a week of prenatal pampering planned, and orders Dorota to get bread so they can feed the ducks. At The Empire, Chuck arrives back from an early morning charity event and Nate is surprised. Chuck confesses he's keeping himself busy to avoid falling into his old bad habits and Nate says that going public with Diana hasn't really changed anything and it's disappointing. Chuck suggests he try and make her jealous. Meanwhile at the VDW's, Lily and Rufus video chat with Dan, who is on his book tour. Serena and Charlie (Ivy) come in and Lily asks if they want to join. Serena says no and leaves for work with Charlie. She explains she's finding trouble figuring out what to write, and Charlie says that maybe if people read about her first, it could spark interest in her column, so she should get Gossip Girl to post a story about her. Serena realizes she's right.
At The Spectator, Diana is on the phone with an anonymous person, and says she will succeed at taking down Gossip Girl and retaining Serena and Nate if she has more time. Nate is trying to flirt with Charlie, who keeps insisting she has a boyfriend. Diana calls her into her office. At the VDW's, Rufus gets a call from Alessandra, who informs him he's been missing his book signings and missed his check in that day. Outside at the park, Blair and Dorota are walking when Blair spots Chuck having his picture taken with a duck. She demands to know why he's there, and he explains that a duck wandered into the dog park and he saved it. Blair says it's a big coincidence that a photographer was there to capture it. Chuck leaves, and Blair becomes frustrated that Chuck is trying to force her hand. She decides she needs to expose Chuck as a fraud before Louis comes home. At The Spectator, Diana tells Charlie that she needs to start a war between Serena and Gossip Girl, and Charlie needs to make it happen. She also reminds her to keep her distance from Nate, and Charlie suggests she give him some space, that it was all him, and she isn't going to screw everything up for a guy. Outside, Serena runs into Ivy's ex Max, who is looking for her, and they begin to talk. Inside, Nate tells Diana he's confused about their relationship, and that he's not sure what he wants them to be and wants to search for another job. Diana says maybe they should take a break, as she's heading to Paris for a few days, and they aren't exclusive, but she can't afford to lose Nate.
At the Waldorf's, Blair is making graphs and plans on how to expose Chuck. She announces to Dorota that her plan is to set Chuck up to where he is unhappy with a service he's provided with, and they'll be there to witness him explode at whoever messed up, and expose that he's only being nice when he knows Blair will see. Dorota asks if she's doing it because of the deterioration of her relationship with Louis, and Blair denies it. Outside The Spectator, Serena apologizes to Max that the security guard there was no help. He says it's okay, as he wasn't in town to see Ivy, just to return her stuff, and he really has a job interview in two hours at DB Bistro. Serena is impressed, and says he must be really talented to even get an interview. He says he's a little lost, and Serena offers to walk him there, which he accepts. Before they can leave, Serena gets a call from Charlie. She explains that she met a cute guy and she's about to walk him to his job interview. Charlie encourages her to take him to lunch and maybe get some attention by hanging out with him. After they hang up, Diana asks who Serena met. Charlie replies that it's just some nobody she met on the street, and Diana instructs her to follow them and tip off Gossip Girl. On her way out, she runs into Nate and she tells him to stop trying to talk to her. At the VDW's, Rufus is still trying to track down Dan. Lily offers that maybe he fell asleep and that touring causes you to lose track of time and location, but Rufus is hesitant to believe that. Lily, knowing Rufus, asks when he wants to go to Boston to find Dan. Rufus says he'll head to Brooklyn to get his car, as it will be faster to drive there. Elsewhere, Nate is following Charlie still trying to talk to her, reasoning that if she really had a boyfriend everyone would know. She says she's not trying to ruin things for him and Diana, but Nate says he isn't sure that's happening anymore. Meanwhile, Serena and Max reach Bergdorf's. Max asks if she's taking him shopping, but Serena says there's a restaurant inside. Before they go inside, Serena backs out and just gives him directions to his interview. She tells him the head chef is obsessed with apricots and he should work them into the interview before leaving. While talking to Nate, Charlie spots Max and kisses Nate to hide herself from him. Back at The Spectator, Diana sees a photo of the kiss on Gossip Girl. When Charlie returns to the office, Diana demands why she's trying to make a fool of her, and says she doesn't believe her story on Max. Diana decides to help get rid of Max, so long as Charlie makes it clear to Nate that she isn't interested and she will do so by asking him on a date.
At The Empire, Nate arrives home and explains to Chuck that Charlie just kissed him and ran. Chuck explains that he's sponsoring a Sleep No More performance for charity and he's doing so to avoid any run ins with Blair. He invites Nate, who at that moment receives a text from Charlie inviting him out. At the Waldorf's Serena vents to Blair about her frustration over Gossip Girl not posting about her. Blair says she's frustrated with Gossip Girl too, as it's not helping her find Chuck. Serena says he is focused on things other than Blair, and really trying to better himself. She shows her the invite to the Sleep No More performance, and Blair retorts that in the dark he's free to be himself. Serena says Charlie encouraged her to get on Gossip Girl to help her blog, but Blair replies that she thinks Serena is too good to blog. They make a deal that if Serena talks to Diana about her blog and lack of interest in doing writing it, Blair will stop her witch hunt on Chuck. After Serena leaves the room, Dorota overhears Blair call and request a ticket to the performance. Serena goes to see Diana, and tries to quit because she doesn't want to use people to gain attention. She mentions Max, who shows up at that moment. Diana introduces herself, and Max tells Serena he got a second interview because of her apricot tip. Diana suggests they go out, and maybe attend the Sleep No More benefit. Max agrees to go, and Diana says she'll give Max the details while Serena goes home and changes.
At the performance, Chuck heads in, and is unknowingly followed by Blair, who is unknowingly followed by Dorota. Charlie in a gold dress and Nate also arrive, and he assures her not to worry about Diana because she's in Paris. Charlie lies that she needs water and goes to see Diana at the bar, where she admits she doesn't feel right about stringing him along. Diana says her original plan was to just surprise Nate and catch him with Charlie to guilt him into staying with her but then a better plan came along. She sends Charlie along to go in with Nate. Max then arrives and meets up with Diana, who tells him Serena is already there but had to go in, but that he should go find her. She says she's wearing a gold dress and he won't be able to miss her. He heads in. Inside, Dorota sneaks up on Blair and startles her. Blair says she's desperate to expose Chuck, and Dorotaa reminds her deal with Serena. Blair says she promised not to undermine Chuck, and distracts Dorota by pretending to see a Polish film director. With her distracted. Blair sneaks off. Meanwhile, Serena arrives and says maybe she overdid it being fashionably late. Diana assures her that Max hasn't arrived yet and heads in to the performance while Serena waits. Before going in, she pays off an employee to keep an eye on Serena. Inside, Charlie asks Nate where they should head next. He sees Diana, and tells her he heard it's a better experience if they stay split up and he sends her on her way. He approaches Diana and asks why she's there. She says it's more important to spend time with Nate, and he replies that he's with someone else, Charlie. Diana lets it slip that she is seeing someone and planned on making him jealous and she hopes Nate isn't being used. Elsewhere, Serena is waiting for Max and beginning to lose hope on him showing up. The woman Diana paid off snaps a picture of her. Back inside, Blair corners Chuck in a side room. He tries to leave, but she doesn't let him. She begins to flirt with him and attempts to seduce him. He resists, but eventually gives in and kisses her while a shocked Dorota witnesses everything from a window. Elsewhere, Diana brings Charlie into a room of the performance and points out Nate, and instructs her to kiss him. She does so, but afterwards realizes it was Max. Across the room, Nate sees her kiss him and realizes he was being used. In the private room, Blair slaps Chuck and said she knew he was lying about being changed and she's positive now that she chose right with Louis. She runs off, and Chuck notices Dorota outside the room.
In Brooklyn, Rufus enters the loft while on the phone with a mechanic, and talks about how his car died the second he pulled off the lot and he needs it back soon, as he needs to get on the road. When he hangs up, he notices Dan in his bedroom. Back at the performance, Serena is still waiting for Max. Diana comes out and says she read the blast about her being stood up. Serena admits that it's no big deal compared to other scandalous stories spread about her. Diana suggests they work together to find a way to take her down, but Serena says she's used to being written about and that she can deal, but it bothers her when she goes after people who aren't strong enough to defend themselves. She decides to leave. Nate then comes out and tells Diana that she was right about Charlie. She admits to Nate that she told everyone about their relationship because she truly cares about him, and asks if he would rather be with someone else. At the loft, Dan confesses to Rufus that on the tour, he noticed less and less people coming and his book is a failure, and he is too. Rufus explains that when he first started touring, they didn't do well until they found a bartender who helped start the hype. He encourages Dan to go back out there and try until he finds someone who truly connects with his art. Dan thanks him, and says he needed to hear that. Outside the performance, Ivy and Max demand to know what what just happened and what they're both doing there. She suggests they go somewhere and catch up, but Max says he's there with a date, Serena. Ivy says everyone in New York knows who Serena is, and Max replies he wants to get to know her better. Ivy begs him to stay, saying she made a mistake back in LA but that she misses him. He says no, that she left him, and walks off. Diana then confronts her, and she says she knew it was Max behind the mask. Diana explains that they accomplished what they wanted, Nate now knows Ivy isn't into him. Ivy asks why she set her up with Max when she said she would help get rid of him, and Diana replies that she found a better plan and she likes watching her squirm. She then fires her, saying Max will out her. Before she leaves, she takes a photo for Gossip Girl to make sure Serena is in place.
At the Waldorf's, Blair is relieved she was right about Chuck and can now return to her week of prenatal pampering. When she leaves the room, Dorota sends a text to Chuck thanking him. At The Empire, Chuck explains to Nate that the only way for Blair to move on is if she thinks he never will, so he had to kiss her to set her free. He asks Nate what's going on with the women in his life, and Nate admits that he realized he keeps being manipulated so he's decided to start making his own decisions. Diana then shows up, and Nate takes her to his bedroom. At the VDW's, Serena goes to see Charlie. She says she got stood up by her date, and Charlie is in a dither over a Gossip Girl blast about herself. She lies and says she quit The Spectator and says maybe she should go home. Serena says no, that she shouldn't let herself be run out of town, and she offers to help her out. Charlie apologizes for giving her bad advice, and Serena says it's okay because she doesn't think she'll see the guy again. She leaves briefly to make a call. At The Empire, Diana tells Nate he matters to her a lot and she proposes they become equals. Diana's phone starts ringing and Nate says she can answer it while he gets the champagne. While he's gone, she answers the phone and it's Serena, who says that after Gossip Girl went after Charlie, she now wants to help Diana take her down. They agree to meet the next morning. At the loft, Dan gets a texts Rufus saying he's on the road to his next signing, but it's shown that he's still at home. After she hangs up with Serena, Diana makes a call to William van der Bilt, saying it's all set. William is pleased that she's rehabilitated Nate and he's where he needs him to be. Back at the performance, Max googles Serena and instead finds an article on Charlie, who he realizes is actually Ivy.
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Kaylee DeFer as Charlie Rhodes/Ivy Dickens
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
- Zuzanna Szadkowski as Dorota Kishlovsky
- Elizabeth Hurley as Diana Payne
- James Naughton as William van der Bilt
- Brian J. Smith as Max Harding
- Haunted Heart by Little Hurricane
- Shells of Silver by The Japanese Popstars
- Black Hills by Gardens & Villa
- Some Boy by Dom (feat. Emma)
Dorota: Apology not seem so fake to me.
Blair: That's because English is your second language!
Serena (about working on her blog): I now realize why Gossip Girl is anonymous and only takes shots at other people.
Blair: How much more do you need to see?
Dorota: ...Of the duck pond? Not really my thing to begin with.
Nate (to Charlie/Ivy): You're a Rhodes. If you had a boyfriend, the whole Upper East Side would know about it.
Dorota (to Blair): You really think pillows under covers trick me? You lumpier now.
Diana (at the performance to Serena): I better head in. They called queen awhile ago.
Blair (to Chuck): Oh look, they even have red hots. You never could resist... do you want one?
Rufus (to Dan about Lincoln Hawk's beginnings): What you don't know about the tour is how many times we played for a handful of people. In Marfa, Texas, our entire audience was a bartender. But that bartender he spoke to his friends, and they told their friends and soon we were selling out. It just takes one person to connect with your art, who feels like you directly communicated with them to start a groundswell. But you can't connect with that person unless you show up.
Max: I'm not gonna drop everything just because you tell me to, Ivy. You walked out on me.
Diana (on her photo to Gossip Girl): What name shall I use when I send it in, Ivy or Charlie? Doesn't matter. I'll surprise you.
Blair (to Dorota): I will always be right about Charles Bartholomew Bass.
Nate (to Chuck): My heart was always in the same place, I realized it's my head that was being messed with.
- The episode title is based off the movie The Big Sleep and the theatrical performance Sleep No More.