Salon of the Dead is the 20th episode of the fifth season and 107th episode overall.
Even on the Upper East Side, the laws of physics dictate that what goes up, must come down. Even when it feels like our feet are a million miles off the ground. But when we've hit rock bottom, we hope that someway somehow our fortunes will change. That a great force will reverse the trend.
-Gossip Girl
Summary[]
To celebrate their official coming out as a couple, Blair and Dan host a glamorous British-themed Salon, including guests Julian Tepper and Jenna Gribbon (founders of The Oracle Club). Lola lands the audition of a lifetime, but Gossip Girl may have other plans for the Upper East Side's latest It Girl. Meanwhile, Lily and Rufus disagree over the best way to handle the Ivy situation, and Serena and Diana face-off over secrets they both would prefer remain secrets.
Recap[]
The episode begins with Blair and Dan reading the newspaper and having breakfast together, Lily eating breakfast alone while Rufus plays his guitar alone at the loft, and Serena reading that all anyone wants to see on Gossip Girl is more Lola. Elsewhere, Lola calls Nate and tells him she got an audition with Lars van Trier. He's happy for her, and she says she's headed to find Serena to ask her advice on what to wear. At the Waldorf's, Blair fills Dan in on her plans for the day, which includes their first public outing as a couple at a play. Dan agrees to go. Upstairs, Serena gives Lola a dress to wear. She mentions how Gossip Girl is the only one not writing about her, but Lola says that doesn't bother her since Gossip Girl is irrelevant and she doesn't care about a pathetic blogger tied to their computer. Serena remarks that Lola seems so confident nothing could make her cry, even if it should. Lola thanks her and leaves. Dan returns to the loft to change clothes and Rufus asks why he's so dressed up. Dan says it's a Blair thing and asks Rufus when he is going to return home. Rufus replies that he is home and that he feels he and Lily have stopped being honest with each other. Dan encourages him to tell the truth and Rufus confesses he's not sure if he has been lying to himself or to Lily but he lost himself when they got married. He admits he doesn't like how the life they built didn't include both of them. Rufus warns Dan not to lose himself trying to keep up with Blair and her world.
At the Spectator, Diana pounces on Nate when he arrives and asks if he's late because of Lola. He admits there's a lot going on: Lola and her career, not talking to Serena, never seeing Dan, and Chuck on a painful mission. Diana asks what Chuck's looking for and Nate explains he's looking for a missing relative. She excuses herself and calls Jack to inform him they have to stop Chuck from finding out the truth. While on the phone, she gets a message from Gossip Girl telling her Serena is holding the site hostage and unless she gets it back for her, she'll reveal Diana's biggest secret. Meanwhile, Lola arrives at her audition but is told it was cancelled. The assistant shows her the latest Gossip Girl blast which claims Lola is a diva who said that real actors don't take direction. At the same time, Serena is happily reading the negative comments coming into Gossip Girl about Lola. Lily arrives at the loft to bring Rufus a salad. She says she misses him and the apartment isn't home without him. She proposes they sell the penthouse and buy a new apartment that fits them both because while she likes the apartment a lot, she loves him way more. At the Waldorf's, Serena calls Lola and asks how the audition went. She answers that she didn't even get to read thanks to Gossip Girl, and that's it's a weird coincidence how she posted about her after being silent on the most important day of her life. Serena says that probably means Gossip Girl isn't irrelevant. Lola asks if she said anything about their conversation earlier but Serena promises she didn't. After they hang up, Diana arrives at the penthouse and reveals she knows Serena is Gossip Girl. Meanwhile, Blair and Dan go to lunch in Brooklyn. He suggests they go to a tree planting event hosted by his friend Alexis but Blair refuses to go since their coming out is supposed to be that evening at the theater. Dan says they can debut in Brooklyn now and in Manhattan later because he doesn't want to melt into her world. Blair says no, because she wants to be herself after being trapped with Louis. While they argue, they're interrupted by Julian Tepper and Jenna Gribbon. Blair and Dan ask them to have lunch with them to discuss how to compromise.
Lola visits Nate at the Spectator. He says he's sorry for how the audition went and she asks if they've ever tried to find Gossip Girl because she thinks Serena is Gossip Girl. At the Waldorf's, Diana says she knows Serena isn't the original Gossip Girl. She warns Serena that the real Gossip Girl is willing to go to great lengths to get her site back but she needn't worry because she wants to help her keep the site and protect her identity. At the office, Nate tells Lola her idea is crazy because Serena has always hated Gossip Girl. Lola reasons that Gossip Girl has to slam Serena sometimes because if she didn't, it would be obvious. At the Waldorf's, Serena asks why Diana is willing to help her and Diana says she'll be helping herself too, since she has a history with Gossip Girl. At the office, Nate brushes off Lola's suspicions and says they need to get to their lunch reservation but Lola says she has to go fix her audition. He tells her to stop with the conspiracy theories. Back at the Waldorf's, Diana promises to make Serena's Gossip Girl the most popular gossip site in the city and Serena says she will think about it. Meanwhile, at lunch, Blair and Dan learn Julian and Jenna host a salon every month. Blair and Dan decide to cancel their plans and host a salon for their coming out. Serena goes to see Diana at the Spectator office. She runs into Nate and they make up. He admits Lola thinks Serena is Gossip Girl but Serena denies it. Nate reasons she's probably just upset and looking for someone to blame. Serena overhears Diana on the phone saying as long as Serena stays Gossip Girl, no one will ever find out what she did for Chuck at the hospital. At the Waldorf's, Blair and Dan are planning their salon, which will be British themed. They decide not to invite Serena or Nate but include Julian, Jenna, and Diana. Lola arrives in the penthouse and asks where Serena is. Dorota replies that she's probably around since she has been all day. Lola overhears Blair suggest to Dan that he announce his new book at the salon. She takes Dorota's phone and sends a tip to Gossip Girl about Dan reading an excerpt from his new book at the salon.
At the van der Woodsen apartment, Lily tells Vanya that Rufus is coming home. Vanya is excited for his return and heads down to get his luggage. Lily gets a call from a hotel concierge who reveals Rufus has been putting Ivy up at a hotel. Meanwhile, Serena tracks down a nurse who was working at the hospital the night Chuck was brought in. The nurse confirms Diana donated blood then left quickly. Serena calls the Spectator looking for Diana, but learns she'll be attending the salon at the loft. Lola calls Nate to tell him she has proof that Serena is Gossip Girl. Nate agrees to hear her out, so long as she drops it if her proof doesn't work out. When they hang up, he invites Chuck to come along.
At the salon, Dan and Blair welcome their guests and explain that a new topic of conversation is introduced when a new course is served. When they finish, Serena and Lola both crash the party. Blair complains to Dan about the party crashers and Dan reassures her their party will still be great. Lola mentions to Serena that it's exciting how Dan will be reading his new book and asks if Gossip Girl broke the news about Inside. Serena says she thinks so and Lola asks if she thinks Gossip Girl will break the news again and maybe she is at the party. Serena explains that Gossip Girl doesn't need to travel, she has people who send tips. Chuck and Nate arrive. Blair demands to know why they're there and Chuck says Nate invited him. Nate says Lola invited him and Blair is annoyed. Lola explains that Serena crashed the party to hear Dan's book excerpt so she can post about it on Gossip Girl. Nate replies that that's hardly proof, since anyone could send the tip, including Dan himself. Lola says she has a better idea and runs off. At the van der Woodsen apartment, Rufus arrives to find an angry Lily. She asks if he's been secretly paying for Ivy's hotel and Rufus says yes because he felt responsible for her homelessness. He reasons that she's a young girl with nothing. Lily demands to know how he could help her after what she did to their family and she's angry he used her money to do it. Rufus says he used his own personal credit card.
Back at the salon, the chef April Bloomfield says she ran out of ice which she needs for her dessert. Dan and Blair decide to get everyone drunk to stall for time so they can go get more ice. Lola asks why they're discussing British authors when Dan is there with an announcement to make. Before he can say anything, Diana arrives and Serena goes to talk to her, leaving her phone on the table. Lola discretely grabs Serena's phone and follows the two women into the back room. She opens the Gossip Girl video upload app on Serena's phone and begins to stream Serena and Diana's conversation live. Serena asks where Diana was on the night of Chuck's accident. Diana answers she was in New York. Serena asks if she knows where he was treated or his blood type or where she was on the day he was born. Everyone at the salon then gets the blast and begins to watch, just in time to see Diana reveal that she is Chuck's mother. The two women then see Lola and return to the main room, where everyone is shocked. Chuck demands to know if what she said is true and Diana says it is. Chuck becomes very upset that she never said anything after being around for months and leaves. Serena then confronts Lola who realizes she was right about Serena being Gossip Girl. Dan and Blair return as their guests are leaving. Blair says their attempt to create a new world for their relationship failed. Since neither wants to join the other's world they don't know where that leaves them. Meanwhile, Lola says she isn't sorry for what she did to Serena who begs her not to tell anyone what she knows. Nate leaves to go find Chuck and tells Lola that he can't forgive her for what she did to Chuck. Nate asks Lola if she has anything to say for herself but she keeps Serena's secret and does not tell Nate she is Gossip Girl. Serena thanks her for not saying anything and leaves.
At the Empire, Diana arrives to speak to Chuck and Nate. Nate tells her to leave but Chuck says she can stay because he wants to know the truth. At the Waldorf's, Dan arrives at Blair's bedroom. She asks why he's there and he says to have a sleepover with her. Dan says their relationship not about choosing one world or the other but their relationship is their world and they are a team who can face disasters like their salon together. At the Empire, Diana tells Chuck that she met Bart when he was still with Elizabeth and she was attracted to him because of his charm and how he had the world at his feet. She explains they had an affair that ended when she got pregnant. Chuck asked why she gave him up and she confesses she was a mess and mixed up with the wrong things and people, unable to raise a child. Since Elizabeth couldn't get pregnant, they had a solution. When Chuck was born she left town, but when she heard Elizabeth had died, she came back. Elizabeth couldn't stick to her end of the bargain and raise another woman's child as her own so she left. Diana says that she wanted to see Chuck but Bart wouldn't let her because he didn't want to confuse him. She says she came back to watch over him from afar and that she didn't intend for things to become so serious with Nate. Chuck asks what to do now that he knows and she answers that it's his decision and he knows where to find her. She leaves. Meanwhile, at the Waldorf's, Lola comes to give Serena's dress back to her. Serena asks why she didn't tell Nate and Lola admits that she knew it would hurt him and she couldn't ruin both his and Chuck's lives. She asks why she does it and Serena says she only became Gossip Girl recently and that she likes it because it's the only thing she has control of. Lola reminds her that she's doing exactly what Gossip Girl did to her and to other people but Serena argues that she survived. Lola replies that she's retiring from the Upper East Side and leaves. At a coffee shop, Rufus tries to pay his bill when his credit card is declined. At the Waldorf's, Serena writes her final post on Lola, how she is over. In Blair's room, she and Dan debate artists in bed. At the Empire, Nate and Chuck drink silently. At Juiliard, Lola calls Carol and says she was right all along about the Upper East Side, and she wants no more ties to the van der Woodsen's or their life. In a car, Diana gets a text from Gossip Girl, saying that the secret that came out tonight wasn't the worst one.
Starring[]
Main Cast[]
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Kaylee DeFer as Ivy Dickens (Credit only, as she does not appear in the episode)
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
Recurring/Guest Cast[]
- Zuzanna Szadkowski as Dorota Kishlovsky
- Aaron Schwartz as Vanya
- Ella Rae Peck as Lola Rhodes
- Elizabeth Hurley as Diana Payne
- Julian Tepper as Himself
- Jenna Gribbon as Herself
Soundtrack[]
- It's Nice To Be Alive by Ball Park Music
- Tongue Tied by Grouplove
- Trap of Mirrors by The Pass
- Touch The Lightning by Lemon Sun
- Youth by Foxes
- Possibilities by Frankie & The Heartstrings
- Pen and Self by The Uglysuit
- Lose The Swagger by The Broken Remotes
Memorable Quotes[]
Nate (to Lola): Just because you're cousins doesn't mean you have to be best friends. My cousin tried to kill me.
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Dan (to Rufus on him and Lily): Usually you two are the king and queen of reconciliation.
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Rufus (to Dan): I know you're happy with Blair, and maybe in time you'll learn to love wearing this tie. But don't lose sight of yourself.
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Lily: Rufus, it seems I've made too much salad... Fine, I had it delivered, but it's a generous serving, enough for two, and I just happened to find myself in this neighborhood and I thought maybe you might like some leftovers.
Rufus: ...You just happened to find yourself in this neighborhood?
Lily: ...I may have ordered a car, with no other destination in mind than this one. Please, take it.
Rufus: I will eat your refuge but we both know that's not why you're here. Why can't you just admit you wanted to see me?
Lily: Okay, fine. I missed you. I said it. Rufus, the Upper East Side holds all the comforts I desire - clean sidewalks, Bergdorf Goodman, and people whose job it is to open doors. But there is no you. And you're the only comfort I really need. The apartment just doesn't seem like a home without you in it.
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Blair (on Dan's tree planting event): Just because a tree grows in Brooklyn does not mean I have to plant it! I'm not going green, I'm going home.
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Blair: I just spent the last year of my life playing Marie Antoinette to Prince Possessive.
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Diana: I'm a woman who has lived. I have plenty to hide.
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Dan (on who to invite): Nate?
Blair: At a salon? I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.
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Nate: Any interest in taking a field trip down to the 718?
Chuck: Sure. I haven't been slumming in awhile.
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Lola (to Serena): I'm genuinely sorry that I hurt Chuck today. I'm not sorry I hurt you.
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Lola (to Serena): I'm officially resigning from the Upper East Side. I have a whole life at Juilliard where the drama is reserved for the stage, and I think I belong back there. So if you want the Upper East Side back, it's all yours. You're the only It-Girl who matters anyway. You see to that yourself.
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Trivia[]
- The episode title is based off the movie Shaun of the Dead.
