Memoirs of an Invisible Dan is the fourth episode of the fifth season and the 91st overall
In literature, there are thousands of endings. Some happy, some sad. Some end with a twist, some stories open the door for something more. And then there are fairytale endings, where the girl gets her prince, and endings that turn you introspective about your own life and your place in the world. And then there's the ending that you saw coming a mile away but somehow still takes you by surprise. But don't worry my Upper East Side friends, this story isn't ending. We're just at the start of a brand new chapter.
After much deliberation, Dan decides to gather Serena, Blair, Nate, Chuck, Rufus and Lily to reveal the truth about his book in the hope that they will support him at his book party. Meanwhile, Blair and Louis hit a crisis point after Louis reads Dan's book. Diana learns incriminating information about one of Nate's friends and uses it to her advantage.
The episode begins with Dan entering a room full of party cheering for him and throwing compliments at him. He's friendly and thankful until he realizes he has no idea who any of them are. The scene cuts to Alessandra at the loft with Dan, remarking to him that the ending to Inside, how Dylan Hunter is left all alone with no family or friends and only has people who think they know him, slays her every time. She fills him in on how Inside is doing well so far, and things will only go up, then asks if his friends are coming to his book release party that night. Dan admits that he hasn't exactly told them it exists yet, and Alessandra encourages him to. He asks for six copies of the book, and she agrees to have them sent over before he has to meet her for his suit fitting. At the Waldorf's, Blair and Louis go over their plan to reveal Blair's pregnancy to their families over dinner that night. Louis assures Blair that Sophie will be over the moon, as it's any princesses job to provide an heir. Blair says she has one more person to tell their news to before they tell their families and that she can do it now, and leaves. At Jane's office, Serena informs her boss that she sent Daniel Day Lewis The Blue Rose script, along with a note and a rosebush that only grows in Ireland, to get him to consider taking the project. Jane thanks her, but says that Daniel rarely ever takes projects. She also tells Serena that her instincts on her were right, that she's a smart cookie.
At The Spectator, Diana and Nate are going through pictures they found on the cell phones they stole and are weighing their importance. Diana asks for Blair's phone, but Nate reminds her that his friends' phones are off limits. The two begin kissing but are interrupted by the ringing of Ivy's phone. Nate asks why Diana is holding onto the phone if she doesn't even know who owns it, and Diana replies that she has a feeling about the mysterious Ivy. They begin looking through the info again, and wonder why the phone numbers saved don't have names attached. Nate suggests that maybe she's a nobody but Diana insists that nobodies don't hide their friends, they advertise them. Nate sees a number he recognizes but is interrupted by a text he receives. He says he has to go, but he'll be back at the office soon to help. At the VDW's, Charlie (Ivy) is repeatedly calling her phone looking for it. Lily suggests she get a new phone, but Charlie is determined to find it, as everything is on that phone; including the truth about her identity. Rufus comes downstairs with the final mix of Panic's debut album. Charlie asks if he ever regretted leaving the music business and Rufus says no, that he wouldn't give up raising Dan and Jenny for anything. Before Rufus can start the music, the elevator dings. Outside, Blair runs into Chuck on the street. He asks how she's doing, and Blair says she's doing okay. While talking, Monkey starts barking at squirrels and Blair stumbles over him, but Chuck catches her before she falls.
At the VDW's, Chuck and Blair arrive and Nate, Charlie, Lily, and Rufus are already there waiting for Dan. Serena also arrives, and Nate asks if she knows a girl named Ivy. Serena says no, and Nate explains that he found Serena's number in her phone and she asks for it so she can dial it. Before she can, Dan arrives with a box of Inside books and reveals he wrote the book, and that the book is sort of based on all of them.
In the book, a man arrives to see Nate. He says he can't wait any longer, and Nate promises to tell "them" about their relationship soon.
Lily starts laughing upon reading it, and Dan explains that he may have made Nate's character in the book gay. Nate asks if he has game, and decides he's cool with it. Dan reminds everyone that the book is a work of fiction, and invites everyone to come to his book party. They all agree to come and disburse. Wanting to reveal her news, Blair asks Serena to get some coffee, but Serena says no, that she has to get back to work. Dan also confesses to Blair that the article he had Louis kill (in Yes, Then Zero) is in the book. Blair says she would rather stay in the dark about how Dan portrayed her and says she can't make it to the party, as she has plans with Louis and their families. Meanwhile, Charlie asks Nate about the mysterious phone and Ivy. She says she might have seen someone at the Jenny Packham show with that name and asks to help. She provides a vague description of the woman and mentions that if she saw a picture of her, she would probably recognize her. Nate agrees to let her help. At Jane's office, Serena's coworker mentions that they got an advance copy of Inside and everyone is trying to figure out who wrote it. Serena announces that she knows because she used to date him. Her coworker realizes that she is Sabrina, aka the dreamy blonde with the legs. Serena responds to a message left for her and finds out Daniel Day Lewis replied to her letter and his manager wants to set up a conference call to discuss the project. Her coworker remarks that Serena's representation was right, that things do come easily to her. Serena tells him to keep reading, as she's sure Dan will have her character mature the way she did, but he says he's almost done.
At the Waldorf's, Blair arrives home and finds Louis waiting for her. He's angry after he saw a Gossip Girl blast of the two together, and asks if that's who she needed to tell. Blair explains that they were both going to a meeting called by Dan, and the person she wanted to tell was Serena. She encourages Louis not to read the book, as Dan doesn't have much imagination and is probably brutal on her, as she has been mean to him since forever. She goes upstairs to take a nap. At The Spectator, Charlie and Nate go through pictures from the party. She says she can't find the woman, and Diana comes into the office and asks what's going on. She introduces herself and pulls Nate aside. She demands why she's there, and Nate explains that she can help find who Ivy is. Diana isn't interested and orders Nate to get rid of her. Charlie pockets her phone and leaves, saying she's sorry for interrupting. At The Empire, Chuck and Dan are hanging out. Dan hopes no one is mad at him, and Chuck says not to worry so much. Rufus calls Dan to RSVP for the party. He also receives a call from someone else RSVPing.
At the Waldorf's, Blair comes downstairs from her nap and Louis tells her that Sophie and Beatrice have been delayed due to a storm over the Atantic. Blair sadly says it's fine, that they can tell them all tomorrow. Louis says maybe, and tells her to go to Dan's book party and leaves. After he's gone, Blair tells Dorota she knows Louis was lying because the weather from New York to Monaco is perfectly clear. Dorota says maybe Louis' lying has to do with what he read in Inside, which he read while Blair was asleep. She opens the book and reads a passage that makes her furious. At his suit fitting, Alessandra is instructing him how to act. He says he's not sure which of his friends are coming, for example, Blair is not. Alessandra says she is, and shows him her RSVP. Dan then receives a text from Blair saying to meet her at her apartment. At Jane's office, the conference call begins. Daniel's manager says the meeting needs to be postponed because Daniel isn't a position to be taking that particular project, and he calls her Sabrina. Her coworker explains about Inside, and how Serena was portrayed as a shallow, self obsessed, party girl throughout the whole book. At The Empire, Chuck lets it slip to Nate that his character in Inside was mixed together with Eric.
In the book, Dan goes to see Blair at her apartment. She insists there is nothing between them and she has a whole future waiting for her. The two begin kissing, which leads to sex.
At the book party, Dan arrives early and Alessandra shoos him into a private room to sign copies and wait for the perfect moment to reveal who he is.
In the book, Serena is about to leave the office when she bumps into a guy. He apologizes, and she begins to flirt with him. She decides to skip family time to go out for a drink with the guy.
Serena reads the parts about her and goes to leave but bumps into the same guy. He apologizes and instead of flirting, Serena annoyingly says he is and walks off. Lily, Rufus, and Chuck arrive at the party and meet Alessandra. She begins talking to Chuck, and says his character's portrayal and death was so sad and lonely she was surprised he showed up. At the VDW's, Charlie is finishing getting ready for the party. She gets a call from Diana, who has figured out she is really Ivy. At the party, Blair and Serena arrive in search of Dan. Chuck advises them to check the study, where they find Dan on the phone with Nate, who is angry at being condensed. Serena says she could lose her job, and Blair says she could use her fiancée because Dan wrote that they had sex. Louis then arrives, and says it has to be true because that's why Dan had him kill the story. Everyone then comes in and Alessandra asks for a picture of everyone. After, Blair insists it never happened but Louis says he never knows when it comes to her and leaves. Blair leaves to chase after Louis and Dan is left alone with Serena. At The Spectator, Ivy arrives to see Diana. She says she did her research on her which is how she figured out her scam, but she cannot figure out why. Ivy explains that Carol paid her to impersonate Charlie to gain access to her trust fun, but was dragged back to the city by Serena. Diana says it's not because she can't leave, but because she doesn't want to. Ivy admits that she's staying not for the money, but because she feels like she belongs. Diana reminds her that she doesn't and when people figure it out, they'll destroy her. Ivy begs her not to tell, and Diana says she'll protect her so long as Ivy lets her.
Outside the party, Chuck warns Louis that walking away from Blair is a mistake. Louis says Blair will always have her secrets and he should have listened to Chuck from the beginning. Chuck says he shouldn't, and tells him to look at how his character ended up in the book, alone. He advises Louis not to give up over fiction. Inside, Serena tells Dan she's confused about why he would portray her the way he did. Dan explains that his character comes off the worst of anyone, and Serena says he deserves the terrible ending he got. He tries to leave to find Blair, and when Serena tries to stop him, he says if she can't see what he did to Blair was worse, maybe her more portrayal was accurate. She leaves. Alessandra then comes in and says it's time for his big moment. She announces his arrival and introduces Dan, who walks into the crowd of strangers congratulating him.
The next day, Blair confesses to Serena that Louis didn't answer her calls all night and she's not sure he'll ever speak to her again. She also reveals her pregnancy to Serena, who is very excited for Blair. Louis then shows up, and Serena leaves to get ready for work. Louis apologizes and says Blair has been honest about her past, and that it's hard for him because every time he starts to trust her, he finds another secret. Blair gives Louis an ultimatum: either he trusts her or they end it. Louis replies that he could never let her go and they hug. At the VDW's, Chuck arrives to see Lily. He admits that he doesn't want to be the guy who no one cares lives or dies. Lily tells him people care so deeply for him, and Chuck sadly says he lost Blair. At The Spectator, Nate arrives and tells Diana Dan isn't the friend he thought he was. She introduces Charlie as his new colleague, although Nate feels there is more to the story. At the loft, Dan is reading reviews when Rufus arrives. Dan excitedly tells him how the reviews are positive. Rufus admits that reading the book broke his heart, as he now knows how little Dan thinks about him. At Jane's office, she instructs Serena to get the Inside movie rights from Dan no matter what it takes to redeem herself for ruining the Daniel Day Lewis deal. Back at the loft, Alessandra calls Dan to ask how many tickets she needs to lay aside for his reading that day. Realizing he's completely alone, Dan tells her none.
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Kaylee DeFer as Ivy Dickens/Charlie Rhodes
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
- Zuzanna Szadkowski as Dorota Kishlovsky
- Hugo Becker as Louis Grimaldi
- Elizabeth Hurley as Diana Payne
- Marine Squerciati as Alessandra Steele
- Michael Michele as Jane Bettinger
- Quiet Nice People by Ida Maria
- Ghost in Your Bed by My Gold Mask
- Don't Wait by Delta Spirit
- Embrace by Chase & Status
Louis (to Blair): I was just reading about how some pregnant women have mood swings. Apparently they didn't know you before the pregnancy.
Blair (to Louis on his family): I don't want them to think as the star of some trashy MTV show, like Unmarried Pregnant Princesses, or I don't know, Royally Screwed.
Rufus (on Dan's secrecy): The last time he was this secretive he showed up with a baby.
Nate (on his gay character in Inside): Do I have game?
Chuck: Oh definitely.
Nate: Huh. I'm cool with that!
Chuck (on suicide): I would never use a belt. I would use a chanteuse scarf. Much softer.
Alessandra: All I could think is, how long must you have been hanging there before anyone found you?
Chuck: I have plenty of staff, they would have found me immediately.
Alessandra: Staff? Not friends or family? That makes it even worse.
Blair (to Dan): When are you going to get it through your head? There is no us! There never was! The only thing here is friendship and even that's gone now.
Ivy: Now for the first time in my life, I feel like I belong somewhere.
Diana: But you don't. And when these people figure out you're not one of them, they're going to destroy you.
Chuck (to Louis): Don't give up on your fact over someone else's fiction.
Serena: Do you even remember the girl that you fell in love with? Or just that she got so drunk on Thanksgiving that she got grazed by a taxi, or that she got married in Barcelona, or she slept with not one but two of her professors?
Dan: I hate to break it to you, but those things happened.
Serena: It's not the things, it's how you wrote about them.
Dan: That's the point! Dylan Hunter is a judgmental dick, who can't even look himself in the mirror. My character comes off the worst of all of them. He puts off his writing, he misses job interviews, he ignores his grades, why? Because he cares more for a pretty blonde than he does his own future. And in the end, none of his friends are happy for his success, they all turn their back on him, and he deserves it!
Serena: Yeah. He does.
Dan: I need to find Blair, I gotta make sure she's okay.
Serena: We're not done here.
Dan: I just messed up her engagement and maybe her life.
Serena: And what about mine?
Dan: If you can't tell the difference between what I did to Blair and what I did to you, than maybe your portrayal in the book is more accurate than you thought.
Serena: That sounds exactly like something Dylan Hunter would say.
Blair: You either find a way to trust me, or you let me go.
Louis: I could never let you go.
Rufus (to Dan): You just... broke my heart. I gave up my career to raise you, and I never regretted it, not once. At least not until I read what you really think about me. A has-been turned trophy-husband who married for money. I never expected to be your hero. I just didn't think I'd end up the fool.
- The episode title is based off the movie Memoirs of an Invisible Man.