Beauty and the Feast is the 2nd episode of the fifth season and 89th overall
Rise and shine, Upper East Siders. It's time for your annual checkup, lucky for you, doctors take their confidentiality seriously around here.
Nate reconnects unexpectedly with Diana, who offers him an exciting opportunity. Serena forces Charlie to decide which world she wants to embrace. Dan seeks out Chuck's help to stop the publication of his book, but discovers it is Chuck who needs the help. Blair's future sister-in-law, Beatrice, arrives from Monaco, but her motives with Blair may be more than just to get acquainted.
The episode begins with Blair at a obstetrician's office with Dorota, who is about to have a checkup. Blair begins asking questions, beginning with whether the doctor is reputable. The doctor comes in and Blair begins asking questions about pregnancy, but pretending to ask for Dorota, who lets her go until Blair asks about determining the father because Dorota doesn't know. The doctor suggests Dorota come back alone another time and leaves. After he's gone, Dorota realizes Blair was asking for herself and is pregnant. Blair begs her not to say anything. At The Empire, Chuck is reading tabloid articles on Blair and Louis when he notices a girl leaving Nate's room, disappointed he wasn't able to perform. Nate admits that he can't stop thinking about the woman he slept with in LA. Chuck informs Nate that Anne has been trying to call him all day with internship offers to help him with his future. He encourages Nate to call his mom back.
At the loft, Dan is trying to figure out which publisher has his book and his only clue is the check Vanessa sent him. He unsuccessfully tries to log into her bank account and decides to call Serena, who is still in Los Angeles, for help. He reminds her of the time she broke into Lily's safe at the bank with Chuck and asks if she has any tips. She explains that Chuck slept with the girl at the bank and Dan should ask him for advice. Dan asks if she's really staying in LA, and Serena answers that she has a great job, that Charlie (Ivy) is there too and she's on her way to meet her for lunch. After they hang up, Dan uses the Gossip Girl Spotted map to find Chuck. At Ivy's apartment in LA, she's stressing over meeting with Serena. She asks her boyfriend Max Harding about which shoes scream New York trust fund baby more. He says a friend of his moved to Portland, Oregon and they should too, as it's cheaper and maybe they'll be more successful there as they aren't succeeding in LA. Ivy encourages him not to give up, and things will work out for them soon. At the Waldorf's, Louis says he wishes Blair could come with him back to Monaco for the feast. Beatrice arrives and hugs Blair, who becomes nauseated by her perfume. Blair mentions it and Beatrice offers to give her her bottle. They sit down to eat.In LA, Ivy and Serena are having lunch. She asks about her friends and boyfriends, but Ivy says she has none. Serena then drops the bomb that she's staying in LA to continue working for her boss. Back in New York, Blair says it's too bad Beatrice has to leave before they can bond. Beatrice announces she moved their flight to the evening so she can hang out with her all day. Blair, about to throw up, excuses herself.
Back in LA, Serena is about to meet with a realtor to look at apartments. She suggest she the realtor meet her at Ivy's apartment, but she quickly says no. The realtor then calls Serena and she tells her she is now interested in looking at two bedroom apartments. In New York, Dan goes looking for Chuck and finds him in an alleyway with two guys. Chuck instructs the men to ignore Dan and they begin shoving him. Dan asks to call the cops and the guys bail, saying it wasn't what they signed up for. While Chuck puts his shirt back on, Dan sees the injury from the motorcycle accident. At The Empire, Nate is making pot brownies and unsuccessfully trying to find out any information about the woman from LA. Dan and Chuck arrive, and Dan tells Nate about what he saw in the alley; about the guys and the injury. Dan suspects it has to do with Blair, but Nate says it's not because Chuck says he's fine about it. Nate offers to have his mom send over her concierge doctor, but then realizes he'll have to pick an internship. He decides to anyway and tells Chuck, who just says it's excellent before taking a brownie. Nate tells Dan he'll call him after the doctor leaves. Outside, Blair and Beatrice are doing some light shopping. While walking, Beatrice tells Blair about the mandated dress code. Disappointed, Blair wonders how she'll become a style icon if she isn't allowed much choice in her wardrobe. Beatrice replies that being allowed to wear that she wants is a perk of being the non reigning sibling. Blair says it's a surprise to hear her say that, as when Louis gave up his position briefly for her, Beatrice seemed more than happy to step in. Beatrice explains that just those few days were too much pressure for her and Blair is more suited for that sort of lifestyle. She suggests they stop for a snack, and Blair has to excuse herself to be sick. Back in LA, Serena and Ivy are looking at an apartment on the beach. Ivy says there isn't enough closet space and Serena argues that she has a whole room for her shoes alone. Ivy retorts that the beach traffic might depress her than her roommate, so maybe she should stay where she is. The realtor says if they want it, they need to make a decision now and Serena says she can do a down payment that day. She stops when she realizes she doesn't have her checkbook, but remembers Ivy has hers. When Ivy hesitates, Serena asks if that's her way of saying she doesn't want to live with her. Not wanting to hurt her feelings, Ivy writes an out of state check from one of Charlie Rhodes' trust fund checkbooks.
At The Empire, the concierge doctor tells Chuck that fractured ribs are nothing to mess around about. Chuck insists they don't hurt and walks away. The doctor admits to Nate that Chuck's condition is bordering on dangerous and if he's self medicating, someone needs to be watching him closely. At the Waldorf's, Blair and Beatrice arrive back from shopping. Blair immediately excuses herself to the bathroom, and Dorota offers to show Beatrice to the door. Beatrice announces to Dorota that she thinks Blair has a drug problem. Dorota rejects the idea, citing that Blair is too much of a control freak to use drugs. Beatrice then guesses Blair has an eating disorder. Dorota says no, that she used to but doesn't anymore and leaves to make tuna melts. When she's gone, Beatrice calls Louis and says they need to speak right away. Outside the Archibald townhouse, Nate sees the woman from LA. He gets excited and says she can't believe she tracked him down. She says that's borderline adorable, but that she was there to see Anne, as she wanted to interview her for her inaugural article of her newly acquired newspaper The Spectator. However, Anne declined. Elsewhere, Louis demands to know what was so important to Beatrice to discuss now. She explains that she thinks Blair has bulimia, but Louis doesn't believe her. He explains that Blair told him all about having it as a teenager but that she doesn't have it anymore. Beatrice insists she does and says she'll prove it to him. Back in LA, Ivy calls the realtor to get her check back but is told that the check was invalid, and that the person to talk to would be Serena.
Meanwhile, with Louis and Beatrice gone, Blair goes back to bed and Dorota brings her saltine crackers. She also mentions to Blair that now that they're gone, she has time to figure out what she's going to do. Louis then enters the bedroom, followed by Beatrice. He explains that Beatrice didn't want her to miss her first holiday and Beatrice finishes by saying she had the priest move the celebration to New York at the local church. She also mentions to Blair that it's called a feast for a very good reason. Dan arrives at The Empire to see Chuck. He asks for his help but Chuck says no, that he's going out. Dan tells him not to, and that Blair's attention isn't worth puncturing a lung for, but Chuck says he isn't interested in Blair's attention. Dan says she is over Chuck, especially since he was the last person she kissed before Louis. However, Chuck then lets it slip to Dan that the last person Blair was with before she left with Louis was himself. Back in California, Ivy goes to see Max and says she decided she wants to go to Portland after all. She says that if they stay here, nothing will happen but if they go, Max has a chance to make his dreams come true. He agrees right away, and says he'll quit when the manager comes back from break. Ivy says she's going to go home and pack and leaves.
At the feast, Beatrice, Louis, and Blair arrive. Louis introduces Blair to Father Cavalia, the one who will marry them. He says he wants to get to know Blair and asks about her religious background. Surrounded by food, Blair begins to become nauseated. Beatrice suggests Blair try one of her favorite foods, a pastry filled with pumpkin, spices, and butter. Blair tries a tiny bite, and then spots Dan. She excuses herself to go talk to him and Beatrice says she can't even keep down one bite of food. Louis says that she's starting to sound like their mother, but Beatrice says she's just looking out for Louis and his well being. Blair reaches Dan, who tries to tell her about Chuck, but she just asks him to walk with her. Outside the Archibald townhouse, the woman from LA arrives and finds Nate, who has found out that her name is Diana Payne. Diana says she hopes the text from her to come back was actually from Anne, and that it read she had decided she could be interviewed. Nate says it was real, but a few details need to be worked out first. Diana suspects Anne thinks it will be a tabloid, but she'll be assured it's not. Nate asks if he's going to get a finder's fee for convincing her to do it. The two escape to a small alley and have sex. In California, Ivy arrives back to her apartment to find Serena waiting, and she says she knows what really happened with the money. At the feast, Blair heads into the restroom with Dan in tow and kicks everyone out. Dan asks if what's going on has to do with her sleeping with Chuck, and Blair is surprised he knows about that. Blair says Chuck told her to marry Louis and he meant it, and that whatever he's doing it isn't to get her attention. She orders Dan to guard the door and heads into a stall, and proceeds to throw up. Beatrice enters the room and Dan says she has to leave, as Blair is getting sick. Beatrice goes to get Louis. Blair then comes out and washes her hands. Dan suspects she's bulimic, but Blair denies it. Dan blocks her from leaving and says she can't until she agrees to get help. Frustrated, Blair reveals her pregnancy to Dan but realizes right after that Beatrice also overheard. She catches up with her and begs her not to say anything to Louis because it's still so early. Louis comes over and asks what Blair was going to tell him. Beatrice jumps in and says Blair suggested they let the homeless come in and dine with them. Blair corrects her, and says not to eat with them, but to be served like a soup kitchen. Louis agrees that it's a wonderful idea, and Dan gets a GG blast about Chuck looking to get beat up again. He leaves, but not before Blair reminds him not to tell anyone. He agrees not to, but says she can't hide it forever. In LA, Serena says the check must not have gone through because Carol cut her off. Ivy hesitantly agrees, saying she told her mom she wanted to make it on her own. Serena, looking at the small apartment, says Ivy has to come live with her. She also tells her that CeCe can call the bank and make it so Carol can't cut her off again. Serena then says she has to go meet her boss but she'll pick her up after they're done, and that she should pack.
Dan goes to find Chuck and again finds him in an alleyway getting beat up. One of the guys punches Dan, and says Chuck told them not to let anything interrupt them. Dan yells at Chuck to make them stop, and he does so the guys leave. Dan again asks if this has to do with Blair, and Chuck admits that it doesn't, it has to do with his sudden inability to feel anything. Elsewhere, Diana and Nate are walking around. Diana offers him an internship at The Spectator, and that someone with his persuasiveness skills would make him great in marketing or a similar field. She kisses him and walks off. At The Empire, Dan figures out what Chuck is feeling, a form of PTSD which results in the lack of being able to feel after experiencing a psychological trauma. He advises Chuck to seek help, or try to feel good things instead of pain. Chuck asks what help Dan needed, and Dan explains that his novel that he wrote that no one should read is being released thanks to Vanessa, and he needs to find what publisher she sold it to so he can stop it. Chuck agrees to help. In LA, Ivy is packing when Max arrives home. He says his friend Jason will let them crash until they can get their own place. Ivy says she can't go, and that what's really making her happen in LA isn't LA itself, but Max. She receives a text from Serena saying she's waiting downstairs. She then breaks up with Max and leaves. Back in New York, Beatrice is in a limo with Father Cavalia and says her plan to take down Blair didn't work, as she wants to get Louis out of Monaco for good. She then begins kissing the priest, which reveals they were working together all along. In LA, Ivy meets Serena downstairs, who says her meeting with her boss was about transferring her back to her New York office and she wants Ivy to come with her. Ivy skeptically agrees to go. Blair goes to see Dan at the loft, and admits that he is the only one she can have an emotionally loaded conversation with. She asks how Chuck is, and Dan says he's okay. Dan asks if he hasn't told Louis because it might be Chuck's, and Blair says by the sheer law of probability it's more than likely Louis'. Dan reminds her that there's still a chance, and Blair replies that she can't be this close to having all her dreams come true just to have them yanked away by a one time thing. He encourages her to find out who the father is. She asks what she'll do if she loses everything, and Dan says she'll always have him.
- Blake Lively as Serena van der Woodsen
- Leighton Meester as Blair Waldorf
- Penn Badgley as Dan Humphrey
- Chace Crawford as Nate Archibald
- Ed Westwick as Chuck Bass
- Kaylee DeFer as Charlie Rhodes/Ivy Dickens
- Kelly Rutherford as Lily van der Woodsen (Although credited, she does not appear in the episode)
- Matthew Settle as Rufus Humphrey
- Zuzanna Szadkowski as Dorota Kishlovsky
- Hugo Becker as Louis Grimaldi
- Elizabeth Hurley as Diana Payne
- Roxane Mesquida as Beatrice Grimaldi
- Brian J. Smith as Max Harding
- Marc Menard as Father Cavalia
- Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People
- We're #1 by The World Record
- Black Eyed Blues by Peanut Butter Lovesicle
- Without You by Rainbow Arabia
- A Little Bit of Me by The Woodenelves
- I Am Better Than You by Hotpipes
- Safe on the Outside by Telegraph Canyon
Chuck (on Nate's inability to perform sexually): It's a good thing you don't offer a satisfaction guarantee or she'd be your third refund this week.
Chuck (to Dan): I'm not Serena, Humphrey. I didn't need saving.
Dorota (to Beatrice on her suspicions): Miss Blair too much control freak to use mind altered substance, even to help mood swing.
Blair: Your people are bred to work through these conditions, and give birth in a field.
Dorota: No fields in Krakow, and I have birthing suite at Lenox Hill.
Blair: Well, I am too exhausted to even reprimand your insubordination.
Dan (to Chuck): You do something dangerous, Gossip Girl reports it, Blair comes to your rescue. Some might call that a pattern.
Dan: You weren't even the last one to kiss her before Louis, I was.
Chuck: While her lips may have brushed yours, the last person she was with before she left was me. I'm referring to full carnal knowledge. That hurt? Wish I could feel it.
Chuck: Thats what you don't understand. I feel nothing when I see her and Louis. Or when I jump off a building, or when crash a motorcycle, even you don't irritate me.
Dan: But having those guys beat you up, is not the way to try and feel something. You could have died.
Chuck: Is being dead that much worse than being nothing?
Chuck: Ah, the return of Charlie Trout.
Blair (on her options): I've considered them all. But no matter what, this baby was conceived out of love and I'm going to keep it.
- The episode title is based off the movie Beauty and the Beast.
- When Dan scrolls through his contacts before calling Serena (while trying to find out the publisher of his book), several of his contacts are the names of Gossip Girl crew members. (Talia Mendillo, Nicholas Mevoli, Christopher Nelson, Randy Overland, Patricia Walker, Ramona Wong). Also there are CeCe Rhodes, Eric van der Woodsen, and Scott Rosson.